My parents are old, they are at that age when they are thinking about dying. They are thinking about what they will leave behind and what they will take with them. The will has been written.
They asked me the other day ‘what I wanted from them?’
This is a loaded question. ‘What do I want?’ – do I want my Mum’s paper thin skin that breaks if she even rubs on anything, do I want my father’s full head of hair, do I want my Mum’s longevity, do I want my Dad’s athletic build, do I want my father’s Alzheimer’s, do I want my Mother’s migraines so bad she said once that she would prefer to die than endure another minute…what do I want? OH wait – I don’t have any choice with that stuff do I – NO you idiots, your genes made that decision long before you and I were born, I’ll have to take what I get and deal with what I don’t get (or celebrate what I don’t get)!!
But both you and I know that’s not what they meant, what they meant was do you want the ornaments on the shelf, the momentos they have collected in their life, the carpets, the photo’s, the stamp collections, the paintings, the coin collections, the artifacts, the jewelry, the clothing, the car, the other trappings of our every day life that define us and tell a story of the lives we’ve lived.
They want so much to believe that what they own has some significance to me, to show them that their lives were worthy and that others want what they have. Why? Does it give them power, relevance, control or are they just making sure that ‘everyone’ they leave behind is satisfied that they got their ‘thing’.
No funeral squabbles please we’re dead!
I have my own stuff, built around my own life and I already have too much, more than I need and I don’t want their stuff – is this mean – I don’t think so?! But how do you say that to someone, your parents, who are so desperate for confirmation that all you ever really wanted to be in your life was them! I don’t and never have done – I AM ME - I may have their genes, can’t change that, but my life is mine with all it’s unnecessary materialistic adornments.
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